First and foremost, I want to thank those who have been praying for us. After some off and on spotting, I finally got up the courage to call the midwife. I was so scared of the possible outcome, that I really didn't want to go to an ultrasound. I was spotting again yesterday morning and I decided to finally call the midwife. She had an ultrasound booked for me yesterday afternoon. All is well with baby, so far. I saw our precious little one's heart flutter. I was so nervous that perpetual 'Hail Marys' were all that I could silently utter. I couldn't bear to hear bad news.
The last miscarriage still eats away at my broken heart. We have three babies in heaven, three children we never got a chance to hold, three saints interceding for us. I don't know how I could bear another loss. My heart is so broken that it takes all I can do to get out of bed everyday and try to be a decent mom and wife. I struggle. I know that I should be grateful and overjoyed. I should count my bountiful blessings, but I am still broken. I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Our baby would be due in a few short months, on Easter to be exact. Lent will be a time of true sacrifice and penance this year.
I ask you to continue to pray for us. Since the first trimester is not over yet, my fears still linger. I felt the same way during Patrick's pregnancy. I found out that I was pregnant with him about 6 weeks after miscarrying. I know that things get easier as the baby gets bigger and I hope and pray that I receive the grace of peace of mind. God bless you all.