Friday, January 13, 2012

So Far So Good

First and foremost, I want to thank those who have been praying for us. After some off and on spotting, I finally got up the courage to call the midwife. I was so scared of the possible outcome, that I really didn't want to go to an ultrasound. I was spotting again yesterday morning and I decided to finally call the midwife. She had an ultrasound booked for me yesterday afternoon. All is well with baby, so far. I saw our precious little one's heart flutter. I was so nervous that perpetual 'Hail Marys' were all that I could silently utter. I couldn't bear to hear bad news.

The last miscarriage still eats away at my broken heart. We have three babies in heaven, three children we never got a chance to hold, three saints interceding for us. I don't know how I could bear another loss. My heart is so broken that it takes all I can do to get out of bed everyday and try to be a decent mom and wife. I struggle. I know that I should be grateful and overjoyed. I should count my bountiful blessings, but I am still broken. I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Our baby would be due in a few short months, on Easter to be exact. Lent will be a time of true sacrifice and penance this year.

I ask you to continue to pray for us. Since the first trimester is not over yet, my fears still linger. I felt the same way during Patrick's pregnancy. I found out that I was pregnant with him about 6 weeks after miscarrying. I know that things get easier as the baby gets bigger and I hope and pray that I receive the grace of peace of mind. God bless you all.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Praise God!!!! This reminds me of my 3rd baby (actually 4th, because of my miscarriage) I spotted, a lot and thought we miscarried, called the grandparents, it was Valentine's day and we mourned the baby we thought we lost...then the next day, I was not flowing as heavy, hardly at all...I knew then that maybe the baby was ok, and she was!!! We will keep praying for you!! Nicholas keeps asking if we got a pen pal letter from you son...HOpe he got our letter!God bless you!!! And that sweet little baby!

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