I have taken a long break in posting on this blog. During Lent, I wanted to stay silent. Easter, I wanted to shout for joy, but couldn't seem to find the right words. We had a wonderful Easter. On Holy Thursday, we found out that we were expecting our 4th child. We had been trying for over two years to have another child, to no avail. I think I was on some cloud and was proclaiming God's goodness. A strange chain of events have taken place since then. Everything took a turn for the worse this past Friday. I started spotting. Just a little blood, so no real worries. I have had this with all my pregnancies. I took it easy Friday and Saturday and thought everything would pass and the baby would be fine. Yesterday morning, I wasn't so sure anymore. There was a lot more blood and I was in pain. That could only mean one thing. I was losing the baby that we had all prayed about for so long. While the others went to church, I curled up on the couch with my little guy (he had been recovering from a stomach bug) and prayed the rosary. I thought and hoped that Mary's intercession would save our baby. After all, yesterday was Divine Mercy Sunday. He can't refuse her anything, can He? In the meantime, I spoke to family and friends whom we had extatically pronounced the good tiding to the weekend before. I learned that a lot of women bleed during pregnancy, but how could that help me. Nature was taking its course and I couldn't stop it. You can't stop the rain from falling, but God can. Can't He stop my pain and the bleeding. We hoped and prayed all day long. In the evening, I spoke to a friend I have known for 20 years. She told me that she had been praying for us the whole day. She also knew that there was little hope, but prayed that I could somehow catch the remains (if you know what I mean). She told me that I would have at least something to bury. I told her that would be great, but how? How would I know if it just wasn't some tissue etc.? Well, God works in mysterious ways and He is good. Before going to sleep, I went to the bathroom and that is when I delivered a Saint. I had just delivered my baby. I was in awe, fascination and disbelief. I rinsed it off and held it in my hand. And although it was an intricate web of tissue, in amoungst everything I saw my itsy, bitsy baby. Thankfully, the children were all in bed. We took our baby and burried it in our backyard. There is a statue of angels on the exact spot. As soon as the weather allows, we will plant a rose bush on the very spot. God is good. Even though it hard to deal with the loss, we got to hold our baby and bury it. The hurt will linger, but her memory will linger on. We have a saint in heaven looking down at us. Jesus' divine mercy, gave us that moment, that treasure and hope.
Jesus, we trust in you!!!