Anyone who knows me really well, knows that I love to get busy in the kitchen. I especially love to bake. Nothing beats homemade bread, muffins, cookies, you name it! I love to spoil the family with home made stuff. We have our tried and tested favourite recipes for all the different times of the year. Some of the recipes are passed down from generation to generation and some are from Germany. My husband and kids especially love my pumpkin pie, chocolate chip muffins, tea biscuits, Mutzen, Broetchen, Brezel and family size brownies. Do I have you thinking about your favourite desserts and homemade wonders from your kitchen? That is all I think about. I am dying to eat something like that right now, but I can't. Christmas is coming and I usually have a good portion of baking already under my belt. This year, everything is different.
I am reacting to almost everything I eat and have been for months or maybe even years. At first, I thought nothing of it. Everyone gets gas or feels bloated once in a while. Now it is to the point, where I can't eat hardly anything without pain or worse (you know what I mean). With the help of digestive enzymes, I am able to eat without symptoms as long as I avoid what seems like a long list of normal foods. I have suspected a lactose intollerance for almost two years and thought that avoiding milk and its counterparts would be enough. WRONG! Now it looks like I am reacting to wheat. I am not 100% sure, but I have a hunch about it. I have been avoiding bread for about three months now. On the weekend, my husband was eating some homemade bread (the wife of a work buddy made it) and asked me to give it a try. It was delicious. I took a little bite and boom! not five minutes later, I was in misery. It seems so unfair.
Now, I don't want to complain or anyone to feel sorry for me. There are a lot of people out there who have severe allergies and I know that I don't have it that bad. I have been doing some reading up on celiac disease which is a gluten intolerance. I even started looking for gluten free recipes. The only problem is, most of them include milk. I also bought a book called "Nourishing Traditions". It is a huge book of information on food and has a lot of recipes in it. It explains how foods should be prepared in order to be easily digested and for the maximum of nutrient absorbtion. It is somewhat intimidating at first, but in many ways has opened my eyes. Primarily, I want to cook healthy food for my family that tastes good and fills everyone up. That sounds easy, doesn't it? My only problem is, what do I cook? I have tried a few gluten free recipes that are great and a few recipes from the above mentioned cookbook and still am pouting. I reacted really badly to something I ate that was recommended from the cookbook. What do I do?
I am finally going to make a doctor's appointment and find out what is going on inside me. I am sick and tired of trial and error. We are being invited out for various functions and I turn everything down. I am terrified of having a reaction out in public. There is a little catch. We don't have a doctor. This is nothing unheard of here. I am going to have to go to a walk-in clinic and see what happens. I have no idea where I am going to be sent or how longs tests are going to take. I have put it off for so long, but know that I can't wait much longer. I feel like I am going crazy and sometimes wonder if it is all in my head. I know it isn't, but that is how I feel. I hate cooking now. I loathe baking. There must be a reason for the way I am feeling physically and emotionally.
Millions of people live with worse diseases, problems and worries than I do. I can be thankful that it isn't something worse. I debated on making this public or not, but I want those who know me and those who love me to know that I am here. I have been dodging folks for a while now. I am not some stuck up snob or a hermit. I am just frustrated and terrified.